Dear body, I love you
It is Valentine’s day, and instead of buying my significant other a bouquet of flowers and chocolates, I allow myself to love myself.
I love you.
I love you for all that you have done for me, and all that you continue to do for me, especially after how badly I have been treating you. And after years of abusing and neglecting you, I am finally learning how to love you, unconditionally so.
While everyone is showing love to their loved ones, I am showing love to my body.
For someone who has been battling an eating disorder for most of her teenage years, showing love to my own body feels liberating yet scary all at once. Yet it is something I have to do. It feels right to do so, especially after the years of abuse and neglect I have put my body through.
Instead of buying chocolates for my significant other, I buy chocolates for myself, and fully intend to eat them while watching To all the boys: P.S. I still love you as it seems fitting on Valentine’s day.
And as I nibble on the chocolates, I realize a few things:
- I am eating chocolates straight from the box;
- I don’t feel uncomfortable while eating chocolates;
- My stomach might bloat;
- This movie is kind of cute.
I realize that none of the above bothers me, and I am fully enjoying the moment. I don’t care about the calories of one chocolate or how many I have eaten or how long I have to run on the treadmill to burn off all these unnecessary calories. None of that matters anymore, because on this Valentines’s day (and on any other day), I am allowing myself to heal and love myself without neglecting or abusing my body. There is simply no need to hate myself for how much I weigh, for who I am or for what I love and don’t love.
So, on every Valentine’s day from now on, I will devote myself a little more to loving myself—to be my own gentle reminder that I am more than okay and that I should never have to change myself for anyone or anything.
Dear body, I love you, and I am sorry for what I have put you through.
With regret and love,
The girl who deemed you too much and not enough